One Year Ago

I’ll start this off with an update on my 3 in 30 dealio that I mentioned earlier. I did great on Friday, and then BOOM random 24 hour stomach flu/migraine/weekend from hell. So no, I did not get my 3 miles in on Saturday, but I did on 6 on Sunday (3 on elliptical and 3 on the bike) so…win?

Yesterday’s workout was 3 miles easy and strength. I switched it up a bit and did a combo of legs and upper body that looked a little like this:

3 sets of 10 of the following:
stability ball pushups
sit ups (sets of 25)
leg press at 135 lbs
leg extension 65 lbs
shoulder press at 10 lbs
dumbbell chest press with 20 lb weights
straight leg deadlifts with 40 lbs bar (with a back row)

10 minute stretch

and then today, I invented a workout to make an hour of cardio seem a little bit more bearable. I call it the 30-20-10 No Attention Span Cardio Blast.

30 minutes elliptical trainer intervals (was at around 150 HR)
20 minutes upright stationary bike intervals (1 minute easy, 1 minute hard, repeat)
10 minute run at 9:30 pace

It was over before I knew and was actually really enjoyable. Today proved to me more that warming up actually makes running easier. (duh) I always feel like if I do a warmup, I won’t have the energy for the actual run, but my 10 minutes on the treadmill were the easiest part of the workout after having 50 minutes of cardio before it.

So one year ago, I had just gotten married, moved to Florida and moved into my house. Robert had to go on a work trip for 3 weeks, and I was kind of terrified of being by myself in this new town, so my mom offered to fly out and help me get settled. It was so fun having her here to help me get things from my registry, buy household items, and get settled in my first home.

my first baked good in our new house!

In a few hours, I’m going to be picking up my mom from the airport! She is coming to visit for a week and I am so excited. I love having her here, and taking her to the beach, and shopping and to her favorite restaurant Grills! (I’m not kidding, we went two days in a row last time she was here, and twice the time before! She can’t get enough of the shark kabobs.)

One year ago, I was really afraid of where I was. Now, I feel so happy and fulfilled and in love with where things are going. I’m happy that I made the decision to come out here. I’m happy that I followed my heart, and stuck with it, even though there were times in the beginning where I wanted to run back home, back to what was familiar and safe. I’ve grown so much as a person, and as a wife and friend and I can’t wait to share this part of my life with my best friend, my mother!

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Overwhelming

Sometimes I tend to bite off more than I can chew. And by sometimes, I mean always. I set these really big, seemingly unattainable goals for myself, and then feel really let down when I don’t accomplish them.

For example, I got my first B in 5th grade. It was a B+ actually, but I digress. So I got this B, I cried my eyes out and felt like my whole academic career was ruined because I could not longer say that I had never gotten a B in my entire life. I had this dream that I would go all the way through college with all A’s and be a successful teacher (or pop singer, whichever came first.)

Later on, I wanted to be good at sports. I pushed myself so hard, practicing until the sun when down in my backyard with my sister or even with myself, throwing the ball as high as I could and trying to catch it as a pop fly. I was not good. I got in the face a lot, and I’m sure my parents were looking out the kitchen window, watching me with very concerned looks on their faces (or maybe laughing, but then some serious concerned looks). But I wanted to make the junior high team so badly. I wanted to impress people (ehem, my dad) and I wanted to keep my same friends, who all happened to be athletic.

I didn’t make the team. I did get to be manager though, later on, when the other manager quit. I was devastated. I knew I wasn’t good, but I somehow formed it in my head that I would make the team, without a doubt.

This is something that I thought I would eventually grow out of, but as of late I have realized I haven’t. Right now, I’m feeling overwhelmed with trying to keep up with the husband on marathon training. I don’t have a race to train for, but wanted to keep up at least a little bit, and had a training plan set for an October half marathon. A speedy one at that. At this point, I haven’t gone farther than 8 miles in any of my training runs, and that was more than a month ago. Robert gets up on Thursdays at 4 A.M., runs 14 miles and then goes to work before I’ve even pulled my ass out of bed to pee. This makes me feel lazy, and ilke I’ve once again failed at a goal.

So now, I have a new goal. I got the idea from Danica actually. I want to do 30 days of 3 miles or more. I can walk 3 miles, run 3 miles, jog 3 miles, or even elliptical or bike for 3 miles. It can be as hard or as easy as I want, but I have to get it done. Some days I’ll do more, but never less than 3. This will get my body moving, give me time to enjoy strength training and other activities, and will give me a goal that I won’t ever have to beat myself up over. Because if I start feeling down, I can just go for a walk! So there you have it. Every day from today until August 23, this will be my goal. By then, maybe the weather will be nicer, and I can get back my desire to do long runs.

What I’m starting to realize (or at least thought about for 40 minutes on the treadmill tonight) is that even though I’m not running 10 miles at a time right now, at race pace and totally feeling awesome about it, I am working out at least 4 days a week at the gym, strength training and eating foods that are good for me. I’m working hard, and that should be enough. I set these training plans and goals because I feel like I would be lost without them, and in a way that’s true. But I don’t have to run 10 miles in the miserable heat just because my husband is. He won’t love me any less if I choose do to the bike that day instead. And I shouldn’t love myself any less for it either.

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My First Trade Show

The first day of school was always a big deal for me. I would clean my room (so I could wake up in a nice room and be able to find all of my stuff), lay out my first day of school outfit, decorate my class folders and organize my pens, pencils, paper, etc. In summary, I was a huge nerd.

Oh hai what's up want to be friends?

My love for preparation (and school supplies) has overflowed into my work life. I still practically dance through the aisles of Office Depot, but this time it’s for supplies for my home office, and not for my pink and purple pencil case (alliteration FTW).

With just a couple of weeks away until my grand opening of Jenn Lane Design, I am also preparing for my very first Bridal Trade Show. I have attended many, but this will be my first time as a vendor. Several hours of my day have been spent researching table cloths, banner prices, door prizes, invite design books, etc. I am so nervous for this trade show, but so excited to launch my business on such a positive and proactive note.

With this all said, I have a request. Even though I only post about once a month and it’s usually about my whining over a training schedule or not wanting to run, I think I still have a couple of readers who have an interest in Designed to be Fit. The bridal show has an opportunity to put a product in the first 50 gift bags of the bridal show. What would you want to see in a bridal show gift bag? What would you actually use and not throw away?

If you know any other future brides, past brides or women who happen to enjoy attending bridal shows, please forward this on. I want to make sure I provide a product that people will not only appreciate, but actually find a use for!

Thank you so much!

Jenn

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Pretending

Right now, I’m typing while icing my knees. I had a very hot 8 miler this morning, and can’t seem to get my body to remember that we used to do this all the freaking time, and 8 miles is no reason to crawl in bed for hours and not move.

Moving right along, I’ve been loosely following my training plan. I decided that having such a rigid plan for the entire summer was only going to make me burn out again, so I decided to change it up a bit. 2 easy runs a week, one speed day, one long run, 3 strength days (2 upper one lower) and a rest day or two. I can replace an easy run day with cross-training or rest. I usually go to the elliptical, but tried out Katy’s cycling workout and it was killer! Definitely going in the regular rotation. 🙂

Tomorrow I am headed off to my family vacation in beautiful, chilly Montana. We have gone to this town almost every year since I was a baby to visit my grandmother. She passed away about 5 years ago, but we still make a point to go every year. The last two summers I haven’t been able to go, and it’s been really hard to miss out on this time with my extended family. Two summers ago I was interning in San Francisco, and wasn’t able to take time off, and then last summer I was in the midst of my entire life changing (college graduation, wedding and moving across the country) and ended up staying in Alabama with Robert. This year, both of us are going and I honestly didn’t think I would be this excited. As I get older, I realize how much my family means to me, and how much fun I have when I’m with them. I feel like myself when I am with them. I laugh harder, smile wider and feel a huge weight being lifted off my shoulders when I am with them. And the fact that I get to share all of this with my husband again is amazing.

The last time the husband came with me to Montana, we were going through a very rough patch. I was physically not happy myself, and took his efforts to get me to go on a hike or a jog or ANYTHING other than sitting on the porch and reading as an insult to my weight. This time, I can’t wait to run the trails with him in the cooler weather, hike to beautiful waterfalls and explore. I feel like I am in such a better place now physically and mentally than I was three years ago.

The title of this post comes from something a bit personal, but something that I know other people have gone through. A lot of people would be really surprised to learn that I have struggled with depression for about 9 years now. It’s hard to explain what I go through, but it basically comes down to a few major points:

  1. anxiety
  2. anger
  3. irritability
  4. sadness
  5. loss of energy

When I got to Florida, I wanted to go off of my medication. I was so sick of relying on a pill to make me feel like a normal person. I thought I could get it under control on my own, now that the stresses of school and the wedding were gone.

I was off of my medication for about six months, and lost myself. I would go through bouts of crying hysterically, Robert and I had struggled through so many fights that started merely because I was irrationally upset, and I had to force myself to smile through most days. It was really hard to pretend that everything was okay. I was missing out on my life. I felt like it was all going on around me, and I was just going through the motions day in and day out. I longed for bedtime because that meant I had made it through another day of making people believe I was okay.

Finally, a couple of months ago, I talked to my doctor and slowly started taking my medication again. I’ve finally gotten back to a regular dose, and feel like I’m getting my life back. I’m laughing again (for real this time) and I feel like my marriage is getting stronger because I’m more able to handle the situations that come up between us. I feel happy for the first time in months and I feel embarrassed at the same time. Embarrassed that it took me this long to let go of my pride and realize that there is nothing wrong with taking antidepressants. I’m ready to stop pretending, and actually start living.

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Sub 2 Hour Training Update

Last week was basically a complete punch in the face. I completed my first full order of invitations, which was HUGE for me. I was so excited! It took me some time to get used to my new paper cutter, which included nearly cutting off my thumb (I just cut off some of the nail, and a bit of skin, but that’s neither here nor there).

I also fell down the stairs and got a huge bruise on my ass cheek, which I was both embarrassed about and kind of humored by.

Anyway, back to the order. It was 100 invitations, RSVP cards, printed envelopes, Rehearsal dinner invites and a Reception insert. Or in other words, a shit ton of paper. My table looked like this for 2 solid days.

I am one of those strange people who works better with noise, whether it’s a season 6 marathon of Grey’s or a Pandora station (that I change every third song because I have no attention span whatsoever.)

As far as training went last week, it didn’t go so well. I missed my speed day, didn’t work out on Monday (it was a holiday, which means I was at the beach, duh) and then missed my “long” run because I felt like I had been hit by the truck. That Time of the Month really hits me hard, and I usually end up getting a migraine and/or really horrible cramps and plant my butt on the couch with an ice pack until it passes. I managed to get myself up and do 60 minutes of cardio at the gym, but it wasn’t all running because it was making my head hurt again.

This week has started off way better. Monday I did 45 minutes on the elliptical doing intervals and then some leg work. Tuesday was a 2 miler and upper body, and then this morning I woke up bright and early to do 5 miles of speed work (I had a tempo run planned but ended up doing 4 x 800’s from last week instead.)

Tomorrow is a 4 miler and upper body part 2, and Friday will be crosstraining. I am going to attempt Katy’s bike workout and hopefully it goes well!

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The Gift of Giving

Please head over to Caitlin’s blog and at least spread the word. Money helps, as does awareness and kind words. Thank you!

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The real use for keyboard drawers

My fantastic desk comes with a keyboard drawer that usually holds my postits and generally gets in the way. That all changed with I did a little magic with my gigantic reusable Starbucks cup (think venti x 2, it’s amazing. Thanks mom!!) and readjusting where I my laptop sits.

Basically, I have no choice but to drink water because my face is right up against the straw at all times.

In short, the real use for keyboard drawers?

hydration.

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