Pretending

Right now, I’m typing while icing my knees. I had a very hot 8 miler this morning, and can’t seem to get my body to remember that we used to do this all the freaking time, and 8 miles is no reason to crawl in bed for hours and not move.

Moving right along, I’ve been loosely following my training plan. I decided that having such a rigid plan for the entire summer was only going to make me burn out again, so I decided to change it up a bit. 2 easy runs a week, one speed day, one long run, 3 strength days (2 upper one lower) and a rest day or two. I can replace an easy run day with cross-training or rest. I usually go to the elliptical, but tried out Katy’s cycling workout and it was killer! Definitely going in the regular rotation. ๐Ÿ™‚

Tomorrow I am headed off to my family vacation in beautiful, chilly Montana. We have gone to this town almost every year since I was a baby to visit my grandmother. She passed away about 5 years ago, but we still make a point to go every year. The last two summers I haven’t been able to go, and it’s been really hard to miss out on this time with my extended family. Two summers ago I was interning in San Francisco, and wasn’t able to take time off, and then last summer I was in the midst of my entire life changing (college graduation, wedding and moving across the country) and ended up staying in Alabama with Robert. This year, both of us are going and I honestly didn’t think I would be this excited. As I get older, I realize how much my family means to me, and how much fun I have when I’m with them. I feel like myself when I am with them. I laugh harder, smile wider and feel a huge weight being lifted off my shoulders when I am with them. And the fact that I get to share all of this with my husband again is amazing.

The last time the husband came with me to Montana, we were going through a very rough patch. I was physically not happy myself, and took his efforts to get me to go on a hike or a jog or ANYTHING other than sitting on the porch and reading as an insult to my weight. This time, I can’t wait to run the trails with him in the cooler weather, hike to beautiful waterfalls and explore. I feel like I am in such a better place now physically and mentally than I was three years ago.

The title of this post comes from something a bit personal, but something that I know other people have gone through. A lot of people would be really surprised to learn that I have struggled with depression for about 9 years now. It’s hard to explain what I go through, but it basically comes down to a few major points:

  1. anxiety
  2. anger
  3. irritability
  4. sadness
  5. loss of energy

When I got to Florida, I wanted to go off of my medication. I was so sick of relying on a pill to make me feel like a normal person. I thought I could get it under control on my own, now that the stresses of school and the wedding were gone.

I was off of my medication for about six months, and lost myself. I would go through bouts of crying hysterically, Robert and I had struggled through so many fights that started merely because I was irrationally upset, and I had to force myself to smile through most days. It was really hard to pretend that everything was okay. I was missing out on my life. I felt like it was all going on around me, and I was just going through the motions day in and day out. I longed for bedtime because that meant I had made it through another day of making people believe I was okay.

Finally, a couple of months ago, I talked to my doctor and slowly started taking my medication again. I’ve finally gotten back to a regular dose, and feel like I’m getting my life back. I’m laughing again (for real this time) and I feel like my marriage is getting stronger because I’m more able to handle the situations that come up between us. I feel happy for the first time in months and I feel embarrassed at the same time. Embarrassed that it took me this long to let go of my pride and realize that there is nothing wrong with taking antidepressants. I’m ready to stop pretending, and actually start living.

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Sub 2 Hour Training Update

Last week was basically a complete punch in the face. I completed my first full order of invitations, which was HUGE for me. I was so excited! It took me some time to get used to my new paper cutter, which included nearly cutting off my thumb (I just cut off some of the nail, and a bit of skin, but that’s neither here nor there).

I also fell down the stairs and got a huge bruise on my ass cheek, which I was both embarrassed about and kind of humored by.

Anyway, back to the order. It was 100 invitations, RSVP cards, printed envelopes, Rehearsal dinner invites and a Reception insert. Or in other words, a shit ton of paper. My table looked like this for 2 solid days.

I am one of those strange people who works better with noise, whether it’s a season 6 marathon of Grey’s or a Pandora station (that I change every third song because I have no attention span whatsoever.)

As far as training went last week, it didn’t go so well. I missed my speed day, didn’t work out on Monday (it was a holiday, which means I was at the beach, duh) and then missed my “long” run because I felt like I had been hit by the truck. That Time of the Month really hits me hard, and I usually end up getting a migraine and/or really horrible cramps and plant my butt on the couch with an ice pack until it passes. I managed to get myself up and do 60 minutes of cardio at the gym, but it wasn’t all running because it was making my head hurt again.

This week has started off way better. Monday I did 45 minutes on the elliptical doing intervals and then some leg work. Tuesday was a 2 miler and upper body, and then this morning I woke up bright and early to do 5 miles of speed work (I had a tempo run planned but ended up doing 4 x 800’s from last week instead.)

Tomorrow is a 4 miler and upper body part 2, and Friday will be crosstraining. I am going to attempt Katy’s bike workout and hopefully it goes well!

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The Gift of Giving

Please head over to Caitlin’s blog and at least spread the word. Money helps, as does awareness and kind words. Thank you!

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The real use for keyboard drawers

My fantastic desk comes with a keyboard drawer that usually holds my postits and generally gets in the way. That all changed with I did a little magic with my gigantic reusable Starbucks cup (think venti x 2, it’s amazing. Thanks mom!!) and readjusting where I my laptop sits.

Basically, I have no choice but to drink water because my face is right up against the straw at all times.

In short, the real use for keyboard drawers?

hydration.

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I know what you’re thinking.

Jennie has obviously fallen off the face of the planet.

Well, I’m here to tell you that’s not true! Here’s what has been going down since my last post:

1. I got really into strength training and got to my goal weight.

2. I went home, worked out 4 times in two weeks, gained two pounds and had an absolutely amazing time.

3. Fell in love with coconut water, White Chocolate Wonderful peanut butter, and La Tortilla Factory tortillas.

4. Bought chia seeds and use them in my oaty-oats every day.

5. Started saying “oaty-oats” (never out loud, just in my head. And now on my blog…)

6. Finally got to see friends and family that I hadn’t seen in months, and in some cases, over a year.

7. Celebrated my one year anniversary with a hangover and some delicious cake from the in-laws.

8. Will probably never say “oaty-oats” again.

9. Worked my tail off on the business, ordering lots of very large, expensive items that still freak me out and make me want to pass out, run for the hills and work as a waitress in a restaurant until I realize that I am the luckiest person in the world to be doing what I love.

10. Realized that starting your own business means less time for blogging, reading blogs, watching tv, reading books and sleeping. (although I’ll never sacrifice sleeping. 8 hours minimum or I am scary to be around.)

11. Got my business about 1 month away from going LIVE. OMGWTF.

12. I can’t wait to share more Jenn Lane Design news with you all, but I still have a few weeks to go to work some kinks out. And then you will be so inundated with me that you will forget I ever left you for an entire month.

Now that I’m home from my amazing 2 week vacation, I was really ready to get down to business. I love how strong I was feeling with my strength training routine, but still felt a little lost when it came to cardio. Thanks to Tina at Carrots ‘n’ Cake, I fell in love with the Smartcoach on Runnersworld.com. I used it to create a model for my official sub 2 hour half marathon training! I turn 25 on October 7, and I would love to start my 25th year with a sub 2 hour half marathon under my belt. It has been a goal of mine for so long! Robert has started marathon training officially, which means I have my running buddy/coach/person who sets the alarm on long run days back and ready to go! Here is a link to my training plan, if you’re interested. TOTALLY AWESOME TRAINING PLAN

Using the smartcoach, I set up a 19 week training plan which includes 3 days of strength (1 lower body, two upper body) and 5 cardio days (crosstrain, long run, speedwork, and 2 easy runs) with 1-2 days off. I can do a lot of leg strength work at home, so if I don’t make it to crosstraining on those days, it’s no big deal.

I feel like this plan is really attainable, and I kicked it off yesterday with a strength training session (jelly arm workout linked in workout page), and then a 5 mile tempo run today. I started out with a 1 mile warm up varying between 5.5 and 6 on the treadmill, picked it up to 9:30 pace for 3 miles and then a mile run home for a cool down. The irony of calling this a cool down is amazing, considering it was about 90 degrees out and I didn’t have any water with me. I forgot to bring a bottle to the gym (Robert dropped me off on his way to work) and so I had about 3 sips of water over the course of 5 miles. Which is why the second I walked in the door I chugged a coconut water like it was nobody’s business. So that’s where I am so far.

I may not be posting every day, but I want to at least update my training to keep myself accountable. ๐Ÿ™‚ I’m off to a work BBQ (not mine, obviously, since I only have one employee and I’m married to him) and can’t wait to dig in to some deliciously catered food and not make lunch.

Adios!

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Confession Thursday

Seeing as it’s Holy Week and all, now would be a good a time as ever to spill my confessions.

1. I eat nearly twice the amount of recommended fiber. This is pretty recent (I’ve had some new additions to my diet including ground flaxseed and La Tortilla Factory tortillas) and basically, it’s obvious if you know what I mean. I’m basically gassy all the time. I feel sorry for the people on the treadmill behind mine.

2. My workouts have been pretty lackluster lately. I can’t tell if it’s because of my sort-of cold last week, or the fact that I don’t have any races on the schedule. The way the last race panned out (i.e. didn’t happen) kind of left a bad taste in my mouth, and without a race schedule I feel kind of lost. I’ve been half-marathon training since August, and feel like without running 20 miles a week, I’m not getting enough of a workout.

3. I’ve completely sucked at not reading blogs during work hours. Huge lent fail.

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Like a Vegan

Hey! Making flax eggs for the very first time!

Madonna was in my head this morning as I tried my very first flax egg. I had several overly ripe bananas that were probably going to end up as trash since Robert hates the sound of the Magic Bullet trying to make banana soft serve.

I found ground flaxseed at our grocery store for a ridiculous price, and have been putting it in my oatmeal as a little added extra boost of Omega-3’s, vitamins and fiber.

I don’t know if I’ve mentioned it before, but my husband is allergic to quite a few foods, including dairy and eggs. So usually when I bake something, he’ll have to pop a few lactaid pills, or avoid it all together. But not this time!

I made banana bread. I made my own buttermilk out of apple cider vinegar and soymilk. I made two flax eggs in place of regular eggs, and combined whole wheat flour with white flour for an added health boost. I accidentally used too much milk, but I think it will taste okay. Oh, and I used almond extract because I was out of vanilla. It hasn’t come out of the oven yet, but the batter tasted pretty awesome. Here’s the recipe!

2 flax eggs (2 tablespoons flax with 5 tablespoons water, then let it sit for about 5 minutes)
1/3 cup soy “buttermilk” (mix 1 tablespoon apple cider vinegar with 1 cup soymilk) (I accidentally used the whole cup of the mixture. DON’T DO THAT.)
3 ripe bananas, mashed
3/4 tablespoon almond extract
1 tablespoon applesauce
1/2 cup brown sugar
1 and 1/4 cup all purpose flour
1/2 cup whole wheat flour
2 teaspoons baking powder
1/2 teaspoon baking soda
1/2 teaspoon salt

Directions:
1. Preheat oven to 325 and grease a loaf pan.

2. Whisk together flax eggs and sugar until combined.

3. Mix in mashed bananas, “buttermilk”, applesauce and almond extract.

4. Add flour, baking powder, baking soda and salt. Mix until just blended. You can add whatever you want to it at this point (nuts, chocolate chips, etc.)

5. Pour batter into prepared pan. Bake for about an hour, until a toothpick comes out clean from the center.

Nutrition Facts:
(for 10 slices per loaf)

UPDATE: Only use 1/3 cup of the buttermilk mixture. 1 cup is way too much and the bread is very chewy.

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oh, myspace

I was resistant to the myspace craze towards the end of high school. In fact, I didn’t get one until my first semester of college. I really only liked designing layouts for people and myself (foreshadowing of a major change from journalism to graphic design, perhaps?) but from time to time, I would post a survey bulletin. I loved reading them from other people. It was fun to me to hear random answers from my friends about things that I probably wouldn’t have thought to ask. It was also kind of a contest to see who had the funniest answers. But I digress.

I am apparently on a 1 day on, 1 day off schedule with this illness. Yesterday, I felt pretty good. Got some work done, worked out (omg so sore) and went to my night class feeling pretty good. Today I woke up feeling feverish again, and have had an on and off nagging headache. WTF?

In light of my lack of anything interesting to say, I felt like reverting back to my myspacing days and do a survey so you can learn answers to questions you probably didn’t care about. (You may have also seen this on a million other blogs about two months ago. I’m fashionably late.)

A – Age: 24
B – Bed size: queen
C – Chore you hate: vacuuming
D – Donโ€™t eat: shellfish
E – Essential start-your-day item: oatmeal
F – Favorite board game: Settlers of Catan
G – Gold or Silver: Silver or white gold
H – Height: 5′ and a quarter of an inch. I’m a little nugget.
I – Instruments you play: piano, flute, triangle
J – Job title: Graphic Designer, dog wrangler
K – Kid(s): just puppies for now.
L – Love or lust: I have a decent amount of both for the husband ๐Ÿ˜‰
M – Momโ€™s name: Laurie
N – Nicknames: Jen Ren, dirtbag (it’s a term of endearment)
O – Overnight hospital stay other than birth: well, I wasn’t the one in the hospital, but I stayed next to a friend overnight while she was in the hospital. Be careful when you drink, kids.
P – Pants or pantyhose: pants, pantyhose remind me of 6th grade choir concerts
Q – Favorite Movie Quote: I’m okay with being unimpressive. I sleep better.
R – Right or left handed: Right.
S – Siblings: 2
T – Time you wake up: 7-7:30am
U – Underwear: gotta have em!
V – Vegetable favorite: red peppers yum yum
W – Ways you run late: I got lost on the way. I have a horrible sense of direction.
X – X-rays youโ€™ve had: just my chompers.
Y – Yummy food you make: pan fried chicken
Z – Zoo favorite: ostriches. Don’t ask.

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At Home Workout

So, I was going to take today as another rest day, but I’m feeling so much better than this morning and decided to do an at home cardio workout because I didn’t feel like putting on normal clothes and going to the gym.

I did a little research and found this workout on Peanut Butter Fingers a la the awesome Julie.

Man oh man, it’s quite a workout. It’s awesome because I worked up quite a sweat, kept my heart rate up, and also got some strength training in, as well!

Here’s the rundown:

Do each move for 1 minute, and rest for 30 seconds to 1 minute before moving to the next workout.

Body Weight Squats

Pushups

Squat Thrust (kind of looks like a burpee?)

Plank

Alternate leg lunge

Hip Lift

Side Plank (30 seconds each side)

High Knees

Basic Crunch

Mountain Climbers

REPEAT

It took me about 30 minutes to complete. I would like to try this at the gym so I can combine it with some low impact cardio, but I think I’m going to call it a day. ๐Ÿ™‚

I have tofu marinating in the fridge using this recipe from Beth’s Journey and it smells delicious. I can’t wait to try it for the first time!

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Resting on Empty

The phrase is supposed to be running on empty, but I haven’t gone for a run since Saturday. Since the husband and I decided not to make the trip to Pensacola for the race, we spent the weekend as hermits watching a million movies and baking cookies (him watching movies, me baking cookies).

And then, as luck would have it, he gave me his cold. I felt pretty bad Monday morning, but took a nap and woke up feeling a lot better. I hit the gym and did 30 minutes of cardio (mix of stationary bike and elliptical hills) and shoulder and back strength workouts. I’m about one click away from buying this book because I’ve heard really great things about it, and I want to focus on weight training.

Tuesday morning I woke up with a horrible sinus headache and achiness all over. The cold had officially arrived. I spent the day napping and waking up to play with the puppies, feed them, feed me (even though NOTHING sounded good) and then went to bed.

Today, luckily, I have no headache and no congestion, but I have a pretty upset stomach. I barely made it through my breakfast (pumpkin overnight oats with 1/3 cup oats, 1/3 cup silk soy milk light, 1/4 cup pumpkin, 1 tsp brown sugar, 1 tablespoon FiProFlax Medley and Smuckers natural PB added in the morning) and now I feel kind of barfy (sorry that’s gross).

I didn’t work out yesterday, and today isn’t looking good either. I have absolutely no energy and just want to sleep. I have a ton of work to do after taking the weekend off and really want to get this web site up and running by the end of the month! I am so excited to reveal it. I’ve put so much work into it and am so proud of where it is so far!

I think my body is asking for a rest day, and I’m going to listen. Sometimes I feel like it’s hard to take a rest day when I read so many healthy living and fitness blogs! I get so envious when everyone’s post starts with how great their morning workout was! But I really think the best way to get back to 100% and to let my body heal.

Alright, time to get some work done. Luckily, I can work from the couch today. ๐Ÿ™‚

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